It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
