PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
