i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
