Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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