Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
