I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
