That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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