I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
