I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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