I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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