Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
