So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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