I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
