Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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