yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
