Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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