If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
