Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Send help, water and tortillas.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
