Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
