How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
