Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Bring me that man meat
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize