i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
