med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
