I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
