remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize