Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
