It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
