it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
