This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
