My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
