I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
