Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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