she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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