I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
