I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
