So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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