she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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