I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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