if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
