Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
