apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
