I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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