Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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