happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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