Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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