A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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