oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
