Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
