oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
