respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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