Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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