cat food counts as protein by the way
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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