i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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