is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
