It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have already put on my inside pants.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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