Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
