Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if only i could text you this smell
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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