His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
