There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it's like iHOP with fire
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
