The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize