i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Boobs are out for the taking
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
