I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
