So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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