WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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