he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
