this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
