oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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